TEENAGERS ARE HEREDITARY

The Jakarta Post | Tue, 04/29/2008 4:19 PM | Parenting

The youth shall inherit the world, and they are getting a head start on it right now, Pavan Kapoor writes.

It’s no longer a man’s world, nor is it a woman’s.

Slowly and silently, a superior intellectual force has taken over the world. They are relentless, demanding and are everywhere. They colonize the malls, run the economy; they even decide what is in fashion and what is out.

So who are these new leaders and dictators of contemporary society?

I sincerely believe our world is in the puissant fists of our teenagers.

Hanging out at the hippest joints, going on shopping expeditions that consume the whole weekend just to find the right T-shirt, splurging with their parents hard-earned cash; it all seems to be their birthright.
Oozing confidence and shrugging nonchalant shoulders, the teenagers of today just bulldoze over tried and tested formulas, and have even managed to convince some hapless parents that if you are not a teen with an attitude and a wardrobe to kill, you might grow up psychologically damaged or own up to belonging to a dysfunctional family.

The sanguine family elder says, “They just need to find themselves.” But how does one find oneself while imitating Beckham, Britney Spears and the rest of the so-called fashion gurus.

The kids lament that they are no one and nothing without the right look; they will become social outcasts and end up doing and being nothing in this highly competitive world. The boys need to do their hair in a certain style and wear T-shirts just over the muscle bulge; the girls have a myriad of fashion do’s and don’ts. What is mind-boggling is that it is all to “find themselves”.

The stores dress their windows in a panic to try and keep abreast of current trends. Restaurants and food halls scurry to create a hip ambience suited to teen tastes. Funky! Crazy! Cool! These are some of the words designers are heard to throw around as they roll out collections for the new kids on the block, who need space of their own.

The teenagers of today are no longer the languid kids they used to be – they have instead evolved into a strong-minded militia of high-tech creatures, a real force to be reckoned with. There are success stories to be heard in increasing numbers of whiz kids who have set up multi-million dollar businesses online. Be it in arts and entertainment or science and technology, teenagers are staking their claim in the adult world.

Everyone is racing against themselves to keep up the image of eternal youth – even the over-40s are killing themselves to look like teens, shopping until they literally drop in trendy stores trying to get the right look. All the television ads now have the youth component in mind. Pizzerias jazz up their décor, and everywhere you go the world is redecorating to the tastes of teenagers.

With after-school jobs or simply from parental largesse, they have cash to spare and hence the market mantra is “give them what they want”.

“You are not wearing that,” gasped my friend as her daughter entered the family room before a Friday night out with friends.

After some debate, the girl waltzed out of the door with a decent jacket over her abominable backless/frontless dress.

“If I had known it was going to be this tough, I would have made a pact with my husband to do all the diapering, teaching and PTA meetings for the first 12 years, and then I would have gone into hibernation while he took over the parenting for the next 12 years. Then I would have emerged from hibernation to take over the helm once again,” my distraught friend said.

Raising infants, toddlers and preschoolers sure sounds like fun compared to this.

“They don’t eat what you cook and when you don’t cook they complain there is never anything to eat,” said a friend.

However, the strangest side effect of the young teen virus is the fact that suddenly, one fine day, they are embarrassed by everything about you.

“You cannot come with me to Plaza Senayan, Mom,” said one of my teens. I looked into his eyes and found myself staring at his chest. He was a head taller since the last time I saw him vertical. He must have grown overnight, or maybe I just always see him sitting in front of the computer or lounging in front of the television.

“Why not?” I asked bewildered.

“All my friends hang out there on Saturdays.”

“But that’s fine, honey, what does that have to do with you and me going to a public mall to buy Dad a birthday gift.”

“But they will see you … us.”

It makes parents take a hard look at themselves. Is something wrong with me? Are we dressing right? Are we trying too hard to fit in with their friends or are we being too cold?

The ball is their court today and the essential truth is that teenagers are hereditary, and if your parents didn’t have any, chances are, you won’t either.

I know that some day I am going to write a manual titled, “How to be a Great Parent to a Teenager”. I believe it will be printed by the time my teenagers have teenagers of their own, and they can read it and benefit from it.

The book would probably have one sentence – “Take a chill pill” when your teenagers need space (I hope Century pharmacy is selling them over the counter by then), and then pamper them like you did when they were babies – but only when they need it.

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